I've been away for two years already? O_o

Now that i'm here, it feel so funny looking at my rants. I mean, what's there not to laugh at? These are twelve posts. And all of them are about women. I guess, around 2-3 posts per woman. Gosh. I've been all over the place. I suck.

Hey, when was my first post by the way? May 13, 2006. And who did I talk about then? I don't remember. But she snobbed me like hell.

Pero teka, bakit parang nasa un AdMU ngayon? (tapos yung isa ung ex niya pa.) Tapos ung isa nasa katabing eskwelahan.

Dun sa isa kong blog, may isa pa ako na nakikita ngayon.

If they ever find this frickin blog, patay na.O_o Buti nga lang hindi nila alam na sila ung pinaguusapan ko.>_<

Oo, crush lang talaga yang mga yan. Pero grabe ako magseryoso ah. Rant to the max.

Bakit ko nga ba binubuhay ang blog kong ito? Dahil gusto kong madevelop ang aking pagexpress ng sarili sa paraang hindi seryoso. Pero medyo seryosong bagay nga lang ang mga nasa isip ko ngayon.

Para rin masabi ko dito ang mga hindi ko masabi doon. Hindi naman madalas babasahin ito eh. may link nga lang ito na nasa Multi ko.

-o-

It was burn-out day a few hours ago. i've never cried that hard before. I cried and I cried and I, again, cried. I have so much excess baggage. To the point where my chest was hurting and everything felt so numb. The reason why? Family problems + Stress from over studying + A mishap that I either am right in thinking so (I know now that it's a no.) or not.

I felt all the strength leaving my body. Nadapa pa nga ako in to a kneeling position sa side entrance ng Gesu. I didn't have the strength to instantly stand up. and Sitting down to standing up. I think I cried and loitered around 30 minutes.

But I decided I didn't want to show myself to friends tomorrow feeling this helplessness. And I came against the prospect of turning cold, because my heart was as numb as a pillow. A slashed one. I found out that  was just too much against my nature. But I then decided that it was time to assert myself.

I have to do this. or I'll never be someone better for all who I care about[has lots of meaning.To be continued]...

I had birthday last monday and my ACET last saturday.. I did a lot of fun things last week starting with enjoying two batches of homemade carbonara with my choirmates the day before my birthday and then with 13 hungry katipuneros.. huh?.. my bad.. my 12 fellow cadet officers and 1 hungry katipunero.. tagos ba Pudge?:D sayang at hindi ko nalang nalibre ung dalawa pa.. Big Dog at JayRold.. bawi ako next time ok? Then I ate out with family.. that was the best night of my life so far.. Thanks Ma!! Tito Jo!! Dan!!

next was my ACET.. all the english parts were a blast but the math part gave me a run for my money.. especially the 25 item-30 min numerical ability test at the end.. I survived the test and i'm confident that i'll pass.. It is meant to be finished..:D No regrets!!!:D

Then the next day we went out with our mother's side's extended family.. and ate out again in Libis.. hahah..

there are a lot of fun things to come.. 1 month nalang!!! basta!! kaya ko to!!

*Tonight.. Love is rationed!!

*Tonight.. across the nation!!

*Tonight.. Love infects worldwide..

Almost another day..

Tomorrow, I'll start over again..:D You know? not everybody is given the opportunity to fix their lives to live a better fruitful life..:D

CHEMISTRY - Wings Of Words

nagusamenagara fukinshin dakedo
naiteru kao mo kirei de aseru yo
tomodachi no kyori sukoshi chijimetara
kimi wa itoshii koware mono datta

kujikezu yume wo miru koto wa
jibun to tatakatteru koto
higoto ni fueru suri kizu wo
jiman shite mo ii kurai sa

sora wa tobenai kedo tsubasa nara ageyou
sore wa "mou hitori ja nai" to
kimi no kodoku hagasu kotoba
donna peshimisuto mo koi wo shite kawaru
eranda michi ga moshi iki tomari nara soko de
mayoeba ii

"kagen no tsuki ga naifu no you da ne"
sou ii nagara dejavu kanjiteru

yokan to tomadoi no naka de
hitomi wa kimi wo sagashiteta
futari ja nai to hirakanai
tobira ga aru kono sekai de

sora wa tobenai kedo tsubasa nara aru no sa
sore wa futo fureta shisen de
kimi ga sasayaiteta shigunaru
itsu ka riarisuto wa shounen ni modoru
sono toki boku wa kimi no tame ni donna yume wo
miru no darou

naze ka tagai no tsubasa wo motte
bokura wa umarete kita
mirai e to mukau tame ni
You know love has a gift
The Wings of Words...

sora wa tobenai kedo tsubasa nara ageyou
sore wa "mou hitori ja nai" to
kimi no kodoku hagasu kotoba
donna peshimisuto mo koi wo shite kawaru
eranda michi ga moshi iki tomari nara soko de
mayoeba ii

Translation (yeah, I know)

I comfort you, though it isn't proper
Your crying face fades away in beauty
When the distance between friends was reduced just a little
You were a beloved and fragile thing

Having dreams that aren't crushed
Fighting with yourself
The scratches increase with each day
It's alright to be proud

You can't fly in the sky, but if I had wings, I'd give them to you
The words that strip off your loneliness
Are "You're not alone anymore"
Any kind of pessimist will be changed by falling in love
If you stop going along on the road that I've chosen
Then it's alright to be lost there

"The waning moon is like a knife"
As I say that, I feel deja-vu

Having premonitions and losing my way
My eyes were searching for you
The door that's in this world
Won't be opened by the two of us

You can't fly in the sky, but you have wings
You suddenly touched me with your gaze
You whispered a signal to me
One day, the realist will return to being a boy
And when that happens, what dreams
Will I have for you?

For some reason, we both have wings
That we were born with
In order to use them to go toward the future
You know love has a gift
The wings of words...

You can't fly in the sky, but if I had wings, I'd give them to you
The words that strip off your loneliness
Are "You're not alone anymore"
Any kind of pessimist will be changed by falling in love
If you stop going along on the road that I've chosen
Then it's alright to be lost there

-o- -o- -o- -o- -o- -o- -o- -o- -o- -o- -o- -o- -o-

After everything's finally been said and done, on other matters it's funny but I'm kinda ok it's going this way. I just want you to be there. But you really haven't noticed? It's alright, now is not the time. There are so many things I have to deal with. I'll tell you when the time is right. When that time comes, I'll have decided just to tell it rather than to wait for an answer from you. For some insane reason, a few years back, I decided that that's the time when I'll know for sure that real love's what i've been feeling. I'm at a loss for words how happy you make me when you reveal yourself from the shadows and flaunt that sheepish grin. The more I know about you, the more you impress me with your simple but classy tastes and firm outlook on life, not to mention your strength, your decisiveness on what you want and the fact that you're going through a lot. I think you're handling it quite well.

But I wish you would wonder what kind of person I am. How I'd wish you'd say "I want to know you better." Just for the sake of being closer friends. I've just realized that everytime I speak, it's always about me giving out advice or ordinary casual talk. Yes, It's my fault I'm really aloof. Even so, I wish you'd ask me questions about myself. How I love music, how I love giving lots of tender loving care or how I love giving a helping hand. Maybe you'll like what you're going to see. But then, these are just wishes. Just wishes.

Even so I wish you could grant one.

Ahh... I just remebered, The song above's for you..:D

BASTA, TAPOS NA UPCAT!!!;D

Whoever girl I speak to, I always end up as the guy who gives GREAT ADVICE. not GREAT CARE, not GREAT LOVE, but always.. GREAT ADVICE.

Not only that, ung taong tipong head over heels ka na sa kanya, yet you're giving her advice on how to wait for the guy that's having a problem with his ego. Or helping the guy stay strong about the cool-off thing. (when i've got a huge crush on his girlfriend)

But one thing is for certain. I've never regretted helping those people out. And i'm more than happy to do the same thing all over them. I really care for these people, feelings aside. I guess psych is really the course for me. Because I really do want to help these people and I want to make both sides happy. I just wish that they would at least think of my happiness too.

But then, happiness after all for me is seeing these people happy. Kind of like hitting two birds with one stone.

Someday, i'll find someone who thinks the same way. And maybe that thought is more than enough to keep me living.

READY STEADY GO - L'Arc-En-Ciel

READY STEADY CAN'T HOLD ME BACK
READY STEADY GIVE ME GOOD LUCK
READY STEADY NEVER LOOK BACK
LET'S GET STARTED READY STEADY GO

READY STEADY CAN'T HOLD ME BACK
READY STEADY GIVE ME GOOD LUCK
READY STREADY NEVER LOOK BACK
LET'S GET STARTED READY STEADY GO

fukitonde yuku fukei korugaru you ni mae e
kurushi magure demo hyouteki wa mou minogasanai

Sceneries being blown away seem to whirl in front of me
Even if I get desperate, I won't overlook my target anymore

ate ni naranai chizu yakute shimaeba ii sa
uzumoreta shinjitsu kono tenohira de tsukami torou

An unreliable map should be burnt
I'll grasp onto the buried truth with my hands

muchuu de (hayaku) kake nukete kita
urusai kurai ni harisake sou na kodou no takanari
hibite (yonde) iru kimi no koe
koko de tachidomaru you na jikan wa nai sa
READY STEADY GO

I came running frantically -hastily-
The throb of my heartbeats feels deafening enough to burst
Your voice is echoing -shouting-
There's no time to be like standing still here
READY STEADY GO

kazoe kirenai kizu kakae konde ite mo
chotto yasotto ja tamashi made wa ubawasenai
ano oka no mukou de kimi ni deaeta nara
nani kara hana sou sonna koto bakari omou yo

Even if my countless wounds get hugged
For a moment and gently, I won't let my soul get taken
On the other side of that hill, if I met you
I'd only think about what to start talking from

muchuu de (hayaku) kake nukete kita
urusai kurai ni harisake sou na kodou no takanari
hibite (yonde) iru kimi no koe
koko de tachidomaru you na jikan wa nai sa
READY STEADY GO

I came running frantically -hastily-
The throb of my heartbeats feels deafening enough to burst
Your voice is echoing -shouting-
There's no time to be like standing still here
READY STEADY GO

READY STEADY CAN'T HOLD ME BACK
READY STEADY GIVE ME GOOD LUCK
READY STEADY NEVER LOOK BACK
LET'S GET STARTED READY STEADY GO

READY STEADY CAN'T HOLD ME BACK
READY STEADY GIVE ME GOOD LUCK
READY STREADY NEVER LOOK BACK
LET'S GET STARTED READY STEADY GO

kokoro wa (hashiru) ano sora no shita
karamawari suru kimochi ga sakebi dasu no o tomerarenai
kimi made (todoke) kitto ato sukoshi
atsuku hizashi ga terasu kono michi no mukou
READY STEADY GO
PLEASE. TRUST ME.

My heart -runs- underneath that sky
I can't stop my idle feelings from crying out
Surely I'll -reach- you in a little while
The sunlight shines hotly across this path
READY STEADY GO
PLEASE. TRUST ME.

Though nobody notices, I have grown so much. I won't say I don't care 'cause I do. I've been working hard, not only for my self-development, not for credit, not for some popularity contest. But to simply exist in the eyes of those I respect. To be acknowledged. I have no need for acceptance, I've had it long ago from my real friends. Just acknowledgement.. that I am not the laughingstock that I used to be. I am not anymore some buttface to crack jokes at. Gone are the days that I was this prideful loser, who only thought about himself. Though now I am still full of pride, I still have a big ego, but finally I am now someone who can be proudfully proud of himself. I have realized my potential but I've also discovered my hunger to help other people, though how naive that may sound, that's just me. I am also a part of this batch.

I will succeed. I have tried so hard. No matter what, I will succeed. The path has been set before me even before this emotional deluge. Now, it is time to get back into the right track. I'm set and I know it is for me. Now that I have finally poured all these out.. UP, here I come..